Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Bonding and Attachment....

Lately I have been in some thought about the issue of bonding and attachment. We were told by many expert people that it is not a good idea to have others hold your baby when they arrive home. They need to form a bond with mommy and daddy first and a close attachment to us. Terry and I stuck to that pretty closely the first week home with Grace, but still had alot of company in and out of the house.....then the second week home we broke all the rules we were going to stick to. Our annual dance recital came up and lots of family was out to see the show and of course to meet Gracie...some for the first time. She was held by everyone, everyone was excited to see her. "what an easy going baby she is". We kept hearing this over and over again. We understand that especially as grandparents being close to your grand daughter is extremely important. We did not want to hurt anyones feelings about this issue. But then Sunday Church day came...recital is over....company went home and we are noticing that Grace will basically go to any and all strangers at church or anywhere for that matter. This was a little alarming to me, so I decided to come home and read up and investigate more information about bonding and attachment. Seems that we really should have stuck to our decision to not let others hold her. Everything I have read stresses this highly!!! WE since have gotten solid advice from many other experienced adopted families. Since she is going to just anyone lately, this could turn into a problem if we do not turn it around now and she could start to avoid us. This has not happened yet, and we do not want it to. So we are taking the advice that we have been given and Terry and I need to be the only ones to hold Gracie until we feel comfortable otherwise. Please feel free to read more about bonding and attachment on this web site. www.A4everFamily.org So much great information to read and then you will completly understand where we are coming from! Thank you friends and family in advanced for your understanding on this issue. Please pray our the bonding with Grace continues in a healthy direction!


Jen said...

This is hard, but you must do it. Grace needs to know who her Mommy & Daddy are and what their roles are. She is attached to you because she knows that you provide for her needs, but she won't bond until she learns who you are and falls in love with you. The only want to do that is to limit extended family & friends until she "figures out" her new family life and her new normal. It'll only a couple of months... buy the end of summer she should have her new role as daughter/sister all figured out! Hang in there. You are doing the right thing here... and remember to always follow your intuition as it won't steer you wrong!

Megan said...

I have been checking in on you and your Grace for awhile now. You had contacted me thru Holt BB. We are also in SD. I wanted to let you learn from our mistakes, definitely do your best to be the only ones holding her and doing those basic needs. Trust me when I say you will pay more later otherwise! I can share more later. Use a body wrap/etc...even if it seems as though she would rather be down. she will get use to it and it makes it really hard for people to take her from you! Or ask to hold her! I wish I had received that advice with my first, so I had to pass it along. I wasn't good at saying no and my daughter, Grace! has suffered for it. We are in Thailand right now, bring our 8 year old son home! Looking forward to catching up when we get home!
Hope I didn't ramble too much!