Thursday, September 25, 2014

Moments to Treasure with my Grandpa

For many years my grandpa has battled emphysema. The past 5 or so he has had a lot of touch and go moments. Last summer he also got West Nile and that sure had him down and out for a long time. This past year has been his hardest by far and honestly it is a true miracle he is still here. My grandpa is very strong willed. Even in his 90's he is still a contractor, building homes and developing his land like he always has. He never retired I guess you could say!!   "There is always a project to finish up"! 

 Family said he was not doing very well and had not eaten for about 3 days or sat up at all. So I decided to drive back and spend some time with him. When I got there he looked pretty lifeless. Struggling for each and every breath. I honestly did not think he would make it through the night. Any small movement would take his breath away and he would panic that he could not breath. I stayed out at the house with him and my grandma to help with anything I could and spend time with them. The night was long as he would choke or be gasping for air. My "mommy ears" heard every little thing and I would jump up to see if he was ok. Him and my grandma are very blessed to have all their kids live in the same town and it is so nice to see how every one helps where needed.  Hospice is there from time to time to check in on them. But basically at this point there is nothing that can really be done as he is in the last stages of the disease. 

 After a long night, the next morning he suddenly sat right up in bed. I could tell, wow, this is going to be a "good day". The morning nurse said "I think he is excited his granddaughter is here".  He sat up all day afraid to lay down again in case he could not get back up. He was talking, his color looked good, he ate breakfast and a great dinner. I cut his hair for him which made him feel great!!  My grandpa has a ton of fun awesome hair!!  I massaged his back, and helped him be comfortable. But the best thing was I spend all day talking to him,   He still had things to get done and contractors to talk to, so he was also still "doing business".  What a switch from the days prior.  My mom said "The calm before the storm".  I am grateful God gave him that day because later that night so many family members came to see him and he was able to visit with every one.   

I also took the opportunity while there to sit and pray with him. I really felt God nudging me to do this.   At the end of his good day I had to go, travel back home. I prayed with him before I left and we told each other "I love you".  This was so hard to leave because in my heart I just knew it would be the last time I get to talk and spend time with my grandpa!!!  
Tears stream down my cheeks as  I write this!  I know he did not want me to go yet and that is hard too. It would have been hard leaving at any time. That night or the next morning, all the same.  I feel extremely blessed that I got to have this one "good day" with him.  It gave me the opportunity to remember him this way and really treasure every single minute we had.   I am not sure I could handle seeing him take a last breath. I did not feel I wanted to be there for that, but rather treasure the good. If you have not noticed already, my Grandpa and I have always been very close. He is probably the ONE man who has never left me and has always been here. He has adored me just as I have always adored him!  I will love him forever!!  

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Something to always remember-Dream Big

Sometimes events in life our done to us not the show our weakness but to discover our strengths. I learned who doesn't look for you, doesn't miss you, and who doesn't miss you doesn't care for you.  That destiny determines who enters your life, but you decide who stays.  That the truth hurts only once and a lie every time you remember it.  There are three things in life that leave and never return: words, time and opportunities; therefore, value whoever values you and don't treat as a priority whoever treats you as an option.  Don't love what you can't trust.  Don't judge what you don't know.  Don't live life waiting for something to happen.  People who succeed in life are the ones who takes chances, and who don't look for others opinions to dictate there life.  That dreams are built for those to BELIEVE in them!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Relationships Come & Go

God Says, " The reason some people have turned against you & walked away from you without reason, has nothing to do with you.  It's because I have removed them from your life because they cannot go where I am taking you next.  They will only hinder you in your next level because they have already served their purpose in your life.  Let them go and keep moving forward.  Greater is coming." Says the Lord.  
When someone is in your life and suddenly they are gone with no explanation just try to remember "they weren't meant to be there anymore".  I have experienced this, and I have several friends right now that are experiencing relationship pains that leave them with unanswered questions. It hurts me when they hurt and I can't take it away. But, instead of asking yourself "why", just try to trust that God always has our best interest at hand and CHOOSE to not be a prisoner by holding on..Like God says "Let go and keep moving"...

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

My "Helpless" feeling in my heart that turned into "HOPE"!

Today I am feeling helpless or maybe I am just feeling totally alone!!!  My daughter has Crohn's and I can not take it away. (God Can) She is in pain again, and it breaks my heart!  I want this disease gone!! I hate seeing her in pain and struggling.  I treasure the days when I ask her "how are you feeling", and she says "Good mom".  I felt like things were going ok and getting better, but turns out her tests came back elevated this time.  They want to put her back on Steroid. this time a lower dose. Now back to all the meds she was on in the beginning.  I have asked the Dr if we are jumping the gun going bk on the steroid and is she sure. Turned out later she called back and said lets wait. Sometimes the tests can show elevation due to fighting a virus. Which Amanda says she has not been feeling good like she is getting a cold. Steroids is not just an easy thing. You go on it, you are on it for 6 weeks at least because it takes time to wean of of them. I was glad they are waiting. I am not sure how Amanda feels, I know she is scared of the pain and I know she will know if the pain is familiar then we will put her bk on them. I will still continue to believe in a miracle
 It seems that in the past month we have been attacked at every angel. Try to get ahead and then other things come up, go wrong, or break. Just in the month of August my family needed an EKG, and Eco Cardiogram, 2 MRI"s, several x-rays, 2 up coming surgery's, dishwasher broke,  a big chunk of asphalt fell out of a truck and shattered car window(not covered by insurance), car broke down totally a week later and the next day our water heater sprung a leak, and broke down $1780. (those things are spendy). All in all, i just want every one healthy. But when all this stuff happens in just one month, you get to a point where enough is enough already.

When I have gone through big amounts of stress, usually towards the end of it all my lower back gives out. Yep that's what happened so off to the chiropractor for me.  My friend was talking about Crohns and told me to call this man Jerry who has a daughter that has crohns and is doing very well he thought calling him would be well worth while.   Well interesting enough this name "Jerry" has come up to me through many other people over the past 2 months. I just never picked up the phone. I did not want to bother anyone. Today is different though. I am at my wits end with every thing, I feel alone, and I need to talk to someone that can maybe give me some insight or hope on what other options I can do to help my daughter.  I have prayed for God to bring the right people into my life. Well I think God has been doing that and I just was not listening.

I contacted Jerry, we ended up talking for over an hour. This conversation opened my eyes wide to God's love for me and my family.  He talked to me about so many things. How our minds/words are so powerful, we have to change our negative thoughts and words into positive thoughts and words spoken out loud. He showed me specifically how to pray better for Amanda and how to pray for the protection of us all. Mostly to BELIEVE she can and will be healed.  I know now why God kept bringing his name up to me through other people. Later he asked me if I had any ineffectiveness in my life that I have left on the side and not delt with. My answer: Yes.  He explained to me that when we have ineffectiveness in our hearts that it limits us from God's true blessings. He reminded me of how important it is to not harbor those things in my heart and I should deal with them. He guided me on a great prayer to do so with each person in my life I need to forgive and let go of. I guess I just felt that things were not really affecting me, so why deal with them. In reality that was the enemy telling me that lie. In reality I do need to forgive so that I am not limited the true blessings that God has. Little did I know that we would be talking about me at all, but I guess God needed me to hear it.

I shared all this with Amanda and family. Prayed with her and over her.  I do believe God is healing her, it is done. I do believe that God is working in all of us and that there are some pretty amazing blessings coming around the corner. This is not where God wants us, but he is working to get us where he wants us.  Jerry and his Wife plan to meet up with us this week, I am looking forward to some amazing prayer time with this wonderful family!! I also look forward to having our daughters who are close in age connect. I think for Amanda having a buddy to connect with could be so great for her!!!

 Life is hard, some people get hit harder than others at different times in life, but I have hope again. It's time to put on the armour and fight back!!