Wednesday, September 3, 2014

My "Helpless" feeling in my heart that turned into "HOPE"!

Today I am feeling helpless or maybe I am just feeling totally alone!!!  My daughter has Crohn's and I can not take it away. (God Can) She is in pain again, and it breaks my heart!  I want this disease gone!! I hate seeing her in pain and struggling.  I treasure the days when I ask her "how are you feeling", and she says "Good mom".  I felt like things were going ok and getting better, but turns out her tests came back elevated this time.  They want to put her back on Steroid. this time a lower dose. Now back to all the meds she was on in the beginning.  I have asked the Dr if we are jumping the gun going bk on the steroid and is she sure. Turned out later she called back and said lets wait. Sometimes the tests can show elevation due to fighting a virus. Which Amanda says she has not been feeling good like she is getting a cold. Steroids is not just an easy thing. You go on it, you are on it for 6 weeks at least because it takes time to wean of of them. I was glad they are waiting. I am not sure how Amanda feels, I know she is scared of the pain and I know she will know if the pain is familiar then we will put her bk on them. I will still continue to believe in a miracle
 It seems that in the past month we have been attacked at every angel. Try to get ahead and then other things come up, go wrong, or break. Just in the month of August my family needed an EKG, and Eco Cardiogram, 2 MRI"s, several x-rays, 2 up coming surgery's, dishwasher broke,  a big chunk of asphalt fell out of a truck and shattered car window(not covered by insurance), car broke down totally a week later and the next day our water heater sprung a leak, and broke down $1780. (those things are spendy). All in all, i just want every one healthy. But when all this stuff happens in just one month, you get to a point where enough is enough already.

When I have gone through big amounts of stress, usually towards the end of it all my lower back gives out. Yep that's what happened so off to the chiropractor for me.  My friend was talking about Crohns and told me to call this man Jerry who has a daughter that has crohns and is doing very well he thought calling him would be well worth while.   Well interesting enough this name "Jerry" has come up to me through many other people over the past 2 months. I just never picked up the phone. I did not want to bother anyone. Today is different though. I am at my wits end with every thing, I feel alone, and I need to talk to someone that can maybe give me some insight or hope on what other options I can do to help my daughter.  I have prayed for God to bring the right people into my life. Well I think God has been doing that and I just was not listening.

I contacted Jerry, we ended up talking for over an hour. This conversation opened my eyes wide to God's love for me and my family.  He talked to me about so many things. How our minds/words are so powerful, we have to change our negative thoughts and words into positive thoughts and words spoken out loud. He showed me specifically how to pray better for Amanda and how to pray for the protection of us all. Mostly to BELIEVE she can and will be healed.  I know now why God kept bringing his name up to me through other people. Later he asked me if I had any ineffectiveness in my life that I have left on the side and not delt with. My answer: Yes.  He explained to me that when we have ineffectiveness in our hearts that it limits us from God's true blessings. He reminded me of how important it is to not harbor those things in my heart and I should deal with them. He guided me on a great prayer to do so with each person in my life I need to forgive and let go of. I guess I just felt that things were not really affecting me, so why deal with them. In reality that was the enemy telling me that lie. In reality I do need to forgive so that I am not limited the true blessings that God has. Little did I know that we would be talking about me at all, but I guess God needed me to hear it.

I shared all this with Amanda and family. Prayed with her and over her.  I do believe God is healing her, it is done. I do believe that God is working in all of us and that there are some pretty amazing blessings coming around the corner. This is not where God wants us, but he is working to get us where he wants us.  Jerry and his Wife plan to meet up with us this week, I am looking forward to some amazing prayer time with this wonderful family!! I also look forward to having our daughters who are close in age connect. I think for Amanda having a buddy to connect with could be so great for her!!!

 Life is hard, some people get hit harder than others at different times in life, but I have hope again. It's time to put on the armour and fight back!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You dont know me but i read your blog .Just want you to know we are praying in Tennessee for your family .