Monday, October 20, 2014

Prayers for my Son

As if the walls can't tumble in any more. Thursday the 16th, we finally got to see a cardiologist for my son. They believe he has SVT  They need to do a surgery called Catheter Ablation They will go in with the catheter and find where the electrical wiring is firing off.  I am still reading up on this and don't have all the facts. You can click on the underlined link I highlighted above to read more if you want to.  But my understanding is that when this is successful the child does not ever have issues again!  As a parent of course we always worry about our kids. But every time I start to worry, I TRY to just talk to God. This surgery is Wednesday the 29th. He will stay the night in the hospitol and get to come home Thursday sometime. Praying and believing all goes perfect!!!

With all this stress I have some how developed TMJ in my jaw from sleeping with my jaw clentched down I guess. I am trying chiropractic care and a new oil I am picking up from a friend of mine. I can handle this. I just want my kids and family all healthy!!

Good things are coming our way!! I feel it and believe it !!!

The Angels lead him to heaven~ Saying goodbye to my Hero

On October 15th I got the call that I was dreading every time I would see my mothers cell number on my phone. I was sitting in my house, just finished dinner and was cleaning up things when I got the call, I missed it because my phone was charging. When I looked at my phone 30 minutes later I saw she called. Called them back and My step dad told me. I literally broke down, sobbing. My family heard me from the basement. I lost my hero!! He suffered so long from emphysema COPD. He fought west Nile last summer. He was the strongest person I have ever known by far. He would have bouts of hard times with his health. Then he would push through. My Grandpa was a contractor his whole life, and even at 92 years old he was still developing his land and currently just finished 2 more homes and was about to start another to sell. He did extraordinary things in his life and I admire him so much. My mother had me at a very young age and this man has always always been here for me.  

Gramps, no matter what, you did no wrong in my eyes and I know I did no wrong in yours. The life time of memories, and the special bond we have always had will be a treasure I will hold so dear and close to my heart forever. Words can not express how much you will be missed by us all!! I am so thankful we got that time together a couple ...weeks ago to talk, shoot the bull, and give you that last hair cut you needed. You were to me the ONE MAN in my life that has been here for me ALWAYS with out waiver, and I thank you for that!! Tonight we all hurt and miss you, but I know you are BREATHING the fresh air of Heaven right now and that is priceless. I know the angels were singing as they welcomed you home!!! I love you…always and FOREVER, my Gramps, My hero!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Function mode:101

Seems lately for several months now there has just been one thing after the other going on. Seems there is not one second for a breather.  To say the least this past year has been a challenge for our family. Cars and water heaters have broken down, but all I care about and want it for every one in my family to be healthy.  Going from one child's health issues to another now trying to figure out what my son's issues are with his racing heart.  Last week I got him to the clinic during one of his episodes and they got his heart going 210/min. Unreal to me how fast it gets going. When I read on the Internet it sounds to me like Tachycardia. But there are different types of tachycardia it looks like. I did get him in to see a specialist after begging to the nurse on the phone at the Heart Doctor clinic.  I know my son is worried and so I am. I am definitely not sleeping well thinking about it and so many other things going on in my life. Hopefully we get close to answers on Thursday this week for him. For now he is on a heart monitor he wears to capture and record any episodes he may have.

My grandfather is still hanging on. Or I guess you could say God is waiting. I am not sure why God is waiting, but he is. He is struggling to breath more and more suffering every day that goes by.  My grandfather is catholic and called the priest to come and pray with him a week ago. I am very happy he did that. I knew he is a believer, but this definitely gives gramps and every one reassurance as to where he is going. I talk to my mom who sees them daily and helps out a lot I know it gets harder and harder to see him suffer so much. A lot of sadness on our family to watch him suffer this way. 

Where to find strength in everything?  The only place I feel i can get a sense of peace is  through God.  Some days I may decide to carry it all myself, and other days I am at his feet !! Some days I would rather just stay in bed, but I know I have to keep on keeping on because I have 3 children counting on me to be their strength as well.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Update for Amanda

There is nothing better than picking up the phone and hearing from your Dr, "we have great news".  Yes finally Amanda's blood work showed her inflammatory levels being normal. Thank you Lord for this answered prayer and healing!!  We knew in our hearts that this reading would be a good one. But nothing better than hearing it!!  Amanda has gone through a lot of different changes lately and I know that God has amazing things planned for a very bright future. She truly is an inspiration. Her heart is so big and loving. I am very proud of her!

Sunday, October 5, 2014


One of my most favorite times of the year is Autumn. The beauty that seems to change weekly.   I always want to hang onto those leaves and it is sad to see them fall, but watching there beautiful transformation can be breath taking, just like watching my daughter grow up before my eyes.

Soon the leaves will fall and a new season begins. For now I will soak in every single day of Autumn that I can. Life is precious, soak it all in, even if it seems like something small. 

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Moments to Treasure with my Grandpa

For many years my grandpa has battled emphysema. The past 5 or so he has had a lot of touch and go moments. Last summer he also got West Nile and that sure had him down and out for a long time. This past year has been his hardest by far and honestly it is a true miracle he is still here. My grandpa is very strong willed. Even in his 90's he is still a contractor, building homes and developing his land like he always has. He never retired I guess you could say!!   "There is always a project to finish up"! 

 Family said he was not doing very well and had not eaten for about 3 days or sat up at all. So I decided to drive back and spend some time with him. When I got there he looked pretty lifeless. Struggling for each and every breath. I honestly did not think he would make it through the night. Any small movement would take his breath away and he would panic that he could not breath. I stayed out at the house with him and my grandma to help with anything I could and spend time with them. The night was long as he would choke or be gasping for air. My "mommy ears" heard every little thing and I would jump up to see if he was ok. Him and my grandma are very blessed to have all their kids live in the same town and it is so nice to see how every one helps where needed.  Hospice is there from time to time to check in on them. But basically at this point there is nothing that can really be done as he is in the last stages of the disease. 

 After a long night, the next morning he suddenly sat right up in bed. I could tell, wow, this is going to be a "good day". The morning nurse said "I think he is excited his granddaughter is here".  He sat up all day afraid to lay down again in case he could not get back up. He was talking, his color looked good, he ate breakfast and a great dinner. I cut his hair for him which made him feel great!!  My grandpa has a ton of fun awesome hair!!  I massaged his back, and helped him be comfortable. But the best thing was I spend all day talking to him,   He still had things to get done and contractors to talk to, so he was also still "doing business".  What a switch from the days prior.  My mom said "The calm before the storm".  I am grateful God gave him that day because later that night so many family members came to see him and he was able to visit with every one.   

I also took the opportunity while there to sit and pray with him. I really felt God nudging me to do this.   At the end of his good day I had to go, travel back home. I prayed with him before I left and we told each other "I love you".  This was so hard to leave because in my heart I just knew it would be the last time I get to talk and spend time with my grandpa!!!  
Tears stream down my cheeks as  I write this!  I know he did not want me to go yet and that is hard too. It would have been hard leaving at any time. That night or the next morning, all the same.  I feel extremely blessed that I got to have this one "good day" with him.  It gave me the opportunity to remember him this way and really treasure every single minute we had.   I am not sure I could handle seeing him take a last breath. I did not feel I wanted to be there for that, but rather treasure the good. If you have not noticed already, my Grandpa and I have always been very close. He is probably the ONE man who has never left me and has always been here. He has adored me just as I have always adored him!  I will love him forever!!  

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Something to always remember-Dream Big

Sometimes events in life our done to us not the show our weakness but to discover our strengths. I learned who doesn't look for you, doesn't miss you, and who doesn't miss you doesn't care for you.  That destiny determines who enters your life, but you decide who stays.  That the truth hurts only once and a lie every time you remember it.  There are three things in life that leave and never return: words, time and opportunities; therefore, value whoever values you and don't treat as a priority whoever treats you as an option.  Don't love what you can't trust.  Don't judge what you don't know.  Don't live life waiting for something to happen.  People who succeed in life are the ones who takes chances, and who don't look for others opinions to dictate there life.  That dreams are built for those to BELIEVE in them!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Relationships Come & Go

God Says, " The reason some people have turned against you & walked away from you without reason, has nothing to do with you.  It's because I have removed them from your life because they cannot go where I am taking you next.  They will only hinder you in your next level because they have already served their purpose in your life.  Let them go and keep moving forward.  Greater is coming." Says the Lord.  
When someone is in your life and suddenly they are gone with no explanation just try to remember "they weren't meant to be there anymore".  I have experienced this, and I have several friends right now that are experiencing relationship pains that leave them with unanswered questions. It hurts me when they hurt and I can't take it away. But, instead of asking yourself "why", just try to trust that God always has our best interest at hand and CHOOSE to not be a prisoner by holding on..Like God says "Let go and keep moving"...

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

My "Helpless" feeling in my heart that turned into "HOPE"!

Today I am feeling helpless or maybe I am just feeling totally alone!!!  My daughter has Crohn's and I can not take it away. (God Can) She is in pain again, and it breaks my heart!  I want this disease gone!! I hate seeing her in pain and struggling.  I treasure the days when I ask her "how are you feeling", and she says "Good mom".  I felt like things were going ok and getting better, but turns out her tests came back elevated this time.  They want to put her back on Steroid. this time a lower dose. Now back to all the meds she was on in the beginning.  I have asked the Dr if we are jumping the gun going bk on the steroid and is she sure. Turned out later she called back and said lets wait. Sometimes the tests can show elevation due to fighting a virus. Which Amanda says she has not been feeling good like she is getting a cold. Steroids is not just an easy thing. You go on it, you are on it for 6 weeks at least because it takes time to wean of of them. I was glad they are waiting. I am not sure how Amanda feels, I know she is scared of the pain and I know she will know if the pain is familiar then we will put her bk on them. I will still continue to believe in a miracle
 It seems that in the past month we have been attacked at every angel. Try to get ahead and then other things come up, go wrong, or break. Just in the month of August my family needed an EKG, and Eco Cardiogram, 2 MRI"s, several x-rays, 2 up coming surgery's, dishwasher broke,  a big chunk of asphalt fell out of a truck and shattered car window(not covered by insurance), car broke down totally a week later and the next day our water heater sprung a leak, and broke down $1780. (those things are spendy). All in all, i just want every one healthy. But when all this stuff happens in just one month, you get to a point where enough is enough already.

When I have gone through big amounts of stress, usually towards the end of it all my lower back gives out. Yep that's what happened so off to the chiropractor for me.  My friend was talking about Crohns and told me to call this man Jerry who has a daughter that has crohns and is doing very well he thought calling him would be well worth while.   Well interesting enough this name "Jerry" has come up to me through many other people over the past 2 months. I just never picked up the phone. I did not want to bother anyone. Today is different though. I am at my wits end with every thing, I feel alone, and I need to talk to someone that can maybe give me some insight or hope on what other options I can do to help my daughter.  I have prayed for God to bring the right people into my life. Well I think God has been doing that and I just was not listening.

I contacted Jerry, we ended up talking for over an hour. This conversation opened my eyes wide to God's love for me and my family.  He talked to me about so many things. How our minds/words are so powerful, we have to change our negative thoughts and words into positive thoughts and words spoken out loud. He showed me specifically how to pray better for Amanda and how to pray for the protection of us all. Mostly to BELIEVE she can and will be healed.  I know now why God kept bringing his name up to me through other people. Later he asked me if I had any ineffectiveness in my life that I have left on the side and not delt with. My answer: Yes.  He explained to me that when we have ineffectiveness in our hearts that it limits us from God's true blessings. He reminded me of how important it is to not harbor those things in my heart and I should deal with them. He guided me on a great prayer to do so with each person in my life I need to forgive and let go of. I guess I just felt that things were not really affecting me, so why deal with them. In reality that was the enemy telling me that lie. In reality I do need to forgive so that I am not limited the true blessings that God has. Little did I know that we would be talking about me at all, but I guess God needed me to hear it.

I shared all this with Amanda and family. Prayed with her and over her.  I do believe God is healing her, it is done. I do believe that God is working in all of us and that there are some pretty amazing blessings coming around the corner. This is not where God wants us, but he is working to get us where he wants us.  Jerry and his Wife plan to meet up with us this week, I am looking forward to some amazing prayer time with this wonderful family!! I also look forward to having our daughters who are close in age connect. I think for Amanda having a buddy to connect with could be so great for her!!!

 Life is hard, some people get hit harder than others at different times in life, but I have hope again. It's time to put on the armour and fight back!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Update on Amanda

Many family has wondered how Amanda has been doing. She is currently off of the steroid they had put her on along with a few other things that she is done with now. For now she is only on the Crohn's medication 6MP.  This past week she has had some pain in the esophagus area again which she has not had for a while now. We try to adjust her diet and just trying to figure out what may cause it to act up.  She continues to get blood work done every 2 weeks to check her inflammatory markers and to make sure her liver is processing the medication correctly.  Her life has changed in the fact that she just can not go out and eat whatever every other teenager is eating, she is tired more often and needs to listen to her body and rest when she feels that way. Her immune system is very low right now from the steroid. It wiped out the good bacteria and the bad out of her body so now the body has to rebuild.  Food and nutrients are very important for her overall health and strength. This could be a challenge since school just started and many kids get sick and will be around her.  But all in all, she makes the best of each day and it has not really stopped her from doing all the things she loves to do. She has an amazing heart! We continue to pray for remission and for God to bring the right people into our lives that may be of some help and or support!

she loves to be my little model and help me practice my fun with photography!!

IF any one reading this blog struggles with autoimmune this is a great book and a must have!!!

Summer here and gone

It is so hard to believe summer is coming to a close. This summer has been different in many ways for sure. So many different doctor appointments with many of us going through different things. I think between us all we have covered all the pretty major testings that are done. From MRI's to Eco cardiograms to Colonoscopys and a couple different surgery's. We have had cars break down and water heaters bust out about all in the same 3 week time frame. Despite all that somehow we still managed to get in some fun or relaxation where we could. Times can be hard and tough,  but you have to keep standing tall and fight through it!! 

Girl Cousin Fun!! From 15 to 2!!

 I love this picture of the kids Great Grandma Hope!! She is a precious sweet Grandma. So caring and never ever forgets to send cards on our birthdays. I wish we lived closer to her to see her every single day!! Love you so much Grandma!!
 Our kids and my brothers two little munchkins!! 

 Got in several camp fires and gazing at the stars!! My favorite way to relax, besides the beach!!
 Probably one of Gracies favorite things to do was get to the water park!!

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Little Eun Turns 6

I can not comprehend how much time seems to go by so fast. My sweet little Gracie turned 6 on August 4th. Her bright smile, sweet giggles that go on for hours and her little sassy but sweet personality make every thing so complete!! If you know her well, you know with out a doubt that Frozen is her all time favorite movie. She knows it word by word and acts it out in costume every single time she watches it, and trust me she watches it ALOT!! :-)  Happy Birthday My sweet Eun!! We Love you with all our hearts!!

Since we had the party Sunday so more people could make it, On Monday we went on a picnic to the park! My little sweetie is growing up way too fast. Kindergarten is right around the corner

Monday, July 14, 2014

The Other Side Of The Curtain-----Of Dance

If you have not been a regular reader of my blog you would not know that for 23 years I was a dancer and for 12 years I owned my own dance business and taught many classes to many ages of children. Dance has always been my life. The past 3 years now my studio has been closed and I miss it greatly. My older daughter Amanda grew up in my studio and dance from the time she was almost 2. Gracie was able to dance for one year with me.

This summer I put Grace into a summer dance camp in a nearing town. "Hip Hop camp".  So for a week now I have been on "other side of the window".  A friend I know was there with her daughter too and said "see being on this side isn't so bad". I said "no i would rather be teaching this class".   I found myself judging the teaching at first because the class for a camp is not what I expected it to be. It was mixed with K-3rd Grade. Big age difference. The dance and style was also 3rd grade level dance class. They all come in and are just shown the entire dance routine and now work on it. I could see Grace was overwhelmed, but she pushed through.  I just wondered where are the ribbon sticks, music props, and creative movement that 5 years olds love so much? Well I guess that is not what this camp is. It made me realize what a great teacher and great curriculum I had for my little ones of this age and no wonder why those classes for me were full!

In the mean time, Gracie keeps pushing through and really starts catching on to this pretty hard and fast routine!! By day 3 she was having fun. Got a t-shirt and will be dancing on stage at the down town summer festival. To see her smiling and having fun melted my heart. She did awesome and by the end of the week had a fun time and was proud she learned "hip hop"

Summer & update on Amanda

Summer seems to be flying by so fast. Course for us it really did not start up till July. Most of April May and June were spent in Dr offices. This week I take Amanda for her first check up since her diagnoses and since they have started her on the 6MP drug for Crohns.  So I am preparing for another long road trip this week. Today she has to get some blood drawn because it has been 2 weeks since she started that drug and they need to see how her body is responding to it all. The day can not come soon enough to get her off this steroid. It really seems to mess with her moods and she seems to get no sleep at night because it keeps her up. She is on 4 different things right now, my cabinet looks like I am a pharmacist.  I am making an apt to meet with someone in our area that is highly been recommended for advice on diet and vitamin health. I can't wait to meet with her. This will all be a learn as we go kind of thing. Hopefully her apt all goes well and blood work looks great. 

This weekend took the kids to a fun little place they had been to when little. Gracie really enjoyed it and especially seeing the baby bears. Summer is going too fast and I just want to get the kids out and enjoy some things before school starts again!! 

Monday, July 7, 2014

How To Reprogram Your Mind (for Positive Thinking)

I have been loving following Brendon Burchard-Live. Love. Matter.

I especially love his you tube post on Positive thinking and reprograming your mind to do so.

The highest achievers in the world at one point said to themselves, "you know what, I need to discipline my mind to support me. Even when my mind comes up with automatic thoughts, I want those to be positive, buoyant, confident and strong, something that leads me to healthy decisions for my life-not just those that protect me or freak me out."

After watching this video I have decided to try the challenge he puts out there for the next 30 days. I could use a good dose of getting my mind on track and thinking more positive thoughts. It makes sense that when we think negative we are conditioning our mind to do just that. But if we condition our minds to REDIRECT those negative thoughts into positive ones our whole life experience will sure be more peaceful.  I encourage anyone to watch the video and tell me what your thoughts are..

4th of July

 This fourth of July was filled with carnivals, parades, and great fireworks displays.  I hope you all had a great holiday weekend!! Happy Birthday America!!

Tradition has it we must go on the scrambler!

my kids and their friends that put on a great fireworks display!! :-))