Monday, September 26, 2011

Closing the doors on my business...

Big life decision for me to make..Here is a little history and me just sharing my heart!

The beginning:
Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of one day having my very own dance studio. In 2000 I decided to take the big step and go for it. Having two kids under the age of 4 I knew this may be a big difficult to juggle business and family, but my husband was my #1 encourager and supporter. In 2000 I opened my door in the basement of my home thinking I would start out small. After a couple weeks I clearly needed a larger space to call Tina’s Dance Studio. We found a great little building and opened up for my first season with a great show at the end of the year. My number one goal was to always keep my students in a positive and fun learning environment, to never have suggestive dance movements or vulgar music. I stood solid on that for 11 years. I vowed my studio would be different also with the fact that I would incorporate Liturgical dance and never being ashamed of God or expressing his love and strength. Using this expressive dance I know touched many and may have offended some. The growth of the studio steadied off after about 5 years and I kept around the same numbers. Sometimes I would put in countless hours depending on what time of year it was, and teaching around 17 classes a week. At times this did wear me down and tire me out as any job does. It was always my heart for teaching that kept me going.

Pulling at my heart strings:
In 2009 we brought home our sweet daughter from Korea. My life got even busier with 3 children now. I was also starting to feel that I was missing out on the other two because when they were out of school I was going to teach. This created “mommy guilt”. For many years my husband definitely had the itch to change his job career. He had many opportunities to do so. But I was not ready to leave or give up my studio. Now looking back that is my one regret. I should not have hung on so tightly. In 2010 – my decade mark… I felt in my heart it was time to say good bye to the studio. Yet at the same time I had students that certainly did not want me to stop just yet.

2011 Saying Good bye:
Starting season 12 the reality of saying Good bye to my dream….to my business sets in.
This is a hard one to write about…a hard one to think about but I am forced now to face it. First just let me state that this is not like walking away from just any old job. This business, my career was started and built by me one student at a time. It was my heart, my soul, my life that was put into this year after year. It was my family that had to sacrifice as well, weather that was my husband giving up job opportunities, my kids giving up time they could have had me around more at night, or them all dealing with my exhaustion and stress that the business would often bring my way. Anyway that you look at it we all sacrificed to keep my business doors open. But today it is evident that it is time to say goodbye to my dream, goodbye to the number of years I worked hard and put my whole self into all my kids. Yes it was work, yes it could be stressful, but at the same time I can not imagine my life with out dancing, or without teaching!! This is my passion and is something that is so deep with in my soul that it is hard to even put into words. It is hard to say goodbye!! I can not picture myself with out it and it feels like a whole in my heart. It will take me a while to discover what is next for me, but the door is wide open now. I do know God has a plan. I trust that. I will miss the little pitter patter of my tiny ballerinas coming into my studio each week, the million hugs, the I love you’s, the smiles, the zillion x-mas parties all crammed into one week, the satisfaction of putting on a show and seeing all your work when that curtain opens and the success that many felt when they finally got that dance step they have worked so hard on. I will miss my kids (students) more than anything. They will never know how much joy they each brought to my life week after week. But those are the things I will treasure in my heart forever. I regret not being able to have a proper goodbye with them, that saddens me beyond measure. They brought light into my life and I was able to share my gift with them for many years. For that I consider myself blessed.
I thank you Lord for blessing me with this opportunity for over a decade of my life. The memories are etched deep in my heart!! The good, the bad, the laughs, and the tears have made me who I am today. Yes my heart will ache for a while, maybe a long while. Lord help me…. because letting go is one of the hardest things I have had to do. Dance is deep in my spirit, it is who I am.
On a positive note:
The tug of mommy guilt and trying to balance my business and family is no more-that is a big relief. I am looking forward to being home at night and being able to spend more quality time with my kids and family. My husband also took a new job opportunity in Rapid City and we are open to a move sometime soon. What will my next career be? I guess right now I don’t know, but I am excited to pursue other passions that I do have. I trust HE has a grand plan and I look forward to seeing it unfold.
Just like the Scripture I put in my studio web site 10 years ago says…“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you NOT to harm you , plans for hope and a future”

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